Dear Annie: Every year, I send gifts to my sister’s three adult children. The youngest doesn’t thank me unless told to. I have two questions: isn’t this rude? And should I stop sending her gifts?
Since we live in different states, I usually text all three sisters to let them know something is up.
For the past few years, I haven’t received a response from the youngest, unless I basically poke and prod, asking if it was received. Year after year, I tell myself I won’t give her anything the next year because she just comes across as unappreciative. I really don’t think I should be asking again and again if my gifts have arrived for her.
They got married in 2022. They had a small civil ceremony, so extended family was not included; However, we’ve been informed that a bigger ceremony will take place after she returns to school – probably in 2023 or 2024. That being said, I didn’t send a wedding gift, but instead I will commemorate their happy occasion by sending a personalized gift. For their first Christmas as a married couple.
I ordered something simple but had it personalized with her name and wedding date. The gift was sent. I informed my niece that it would be on the way but got no response. Gifted — No words. I texted and said that the gift should be delivered and, without spoiling the contents of this gift, asked that they let me be there, thinking they would open it on Christmas. No word for a full 24 hours.
During this time, my sister told me that a gift was coming for my 12 year old daughter and to let her know when it arrived. This was an occasion for me to tell that I had SMSed her daughter but there was no response regarding the gift I had sent. Fifteen minutes later, my niece texted “thank you” and nothing else. To which my reply was, “I don’t want to spoil the material, but I hope it’s beautiful.” Keep in mind, I haven’t seen this gift in person and I don’t know if it’s spelled correctly. So it would be great to hear how it is. And his answer was, “We opened it last night, and it’s beautiful.”
So I asked if you received this gift – you did, you even opened it – but you neglected to call and thank me?
Annie, I’m so hurt. It wasn’t expensive, it wasn’t made out of gold or out of the ordinary, but it was personalized, and it was sent to her.
Should I officially stop sending him gifts now? Tired of asking
Tired of asking dear: No, you shouldn’t stop sending her gifts. It’s understandable that you’re hurt, but you’re setting a lot of expectations for how you’d like the gift to be received. Ask yourself why you gave her the gift. Was it to make her and her new husband super happy, or was it to get a big thank you and acknowledgment for all your hard work?
Imagine how much easier it would be if you accepted your niece as she was and accepted the text as a thank you and acknowledgement. Your niece is not your child. You can remind your daughter to send handwritten thank you notes, which I personally always find to be a great idea. But your niece’s way of saying thank you in a text is her way of doing it, and you’ll be very happy if you adopt her way.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book form. visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Submit your question to Annie Lane [email protected],
Copyright 2023 creators.com
