Dear Abby: I am a 55-year-old woman who had a couple of good jobs earlier in my career, which enabled me to buy a lovely townhouse in New England. I work as a consultant now, and I no longer make the kind of money I used to.
My Problem: About 20 years ago, my parents borrowed money from me to fix up their house so they could sell it. After it was sold, they not only didn’t pay me back, but they ended up living with me. It was supposed to be temporary, but they have been living here without rent for the past five years.
In addition to my frustration with my parents, my sister (who is in her 40s) was living with her boyfriend in the South when they broke up. So she moved back to New England and lived with us. She is not even paying the rent and has brought her two dogs along. I can’t think of anything else. Please give me some suggestion. – Going Crazy in Massachusetts
Dear Enthusiasts: You have been patient and tolerant for far too long. You’re a pushover. Contact a lawyer for help, as you may have to evict these relatives. Grow a spine and tell your parents that you want them to not only move but also take your sister and her dogs with you. I sincerely hope you have something in writing to memorialize the loan you gave to your people, because if you don’t, you probably won’t see that money again. (forgive.)
Dear Abby: My husband of 37 years passed away four months ago. When we were first married, we were happy, but his drug addiction escalated and he became a deranged, mean alcoholic. When I decided I’d finally had enough, he became ill and could no longer work, and I felt obligated to take care of him. More than a decade of my life was spent in his care, for which he rarely, if ever, expressed appreciation.
A month after his funeral, my high school girlfriend suddenly contacted me. I was reluctant to answer at first, but I decided there was no harm in meeting him and enjoying dinner and conversation. The attraction was instant. It felt like we were back in high school. It’s been three months now and we are ready to take our relationship to the next level. He makes me feel better than I have ever felt in my life.
My kids know how miserable I was for the decades in my marriage, but I still worry about how they’ll feel about me seriously dating so soon after I’m widowed. – Longing for Love in the Midwest
Dear Lust: If you explain to your adult children that you and your friend broke up a long time ago, they shouldn’t react badly to the news. However, a word of caution: This is still a budding relationship. If by “taking the relationship to the next level” you mean being intimate, then you have matured long past the age of consent. However, if it means rushing into marrying this person, take more time before making a formal commitment. Doing this will help you see how he reacts in different situations – including whether you agree with him on issues you think are important, as well as when he’s frustrated or angry. How does he react?
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. contact dear abby www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
