Dear AB: I am very sad and upset with myself. I cheated on my husband, “Hal,” and when I realized I had an STI from the man I cheated with, I told him.
Hal was very upset, and we didn’t talk for a day and a half, but he didn’t yell or call my name. I feel very guilty and confused. He’s really nice, not abusing me. it’s so weird.
Things are different between us now, and it’s my fault. I think it will take time and patience. But I miss the intimacy and affection that Hal and I once shared. Is it normal that I want him to shout at me and show his anger? When I try to talk to him about getting tested for STIs, he shuts up and brings up the past. Please help me. I just want things back the way they were before I cheated. What shall I do? – Reluctant Cheaters in Oregon
Dear Reluctant Cheater: Hal needs to talk to his doctor and schedule an appointment to get tested, and you need to be ready to talk to him about “the past” and why you cheated on him. You have to give an explanation to your husband.
Just because she hasn’t yelled or called your name doesn’t mean she isn’t hurt and angry about what happened. Repairing your marriage may require counseling with a licensed marriage and family therapist. If you do this, although your relationship may never go back to the way it was before you cheated, it might get better.
Dear Abby: About 10 years ago, my longtime best friend, “Byron,” suddenly cut me out of his life. I never clearly understood why. I reached out to him for several years with no success. Then I ran up to him, exchanged pleasantries and we followed. He returned my email, we started communicating about important things again, and our friendship seemed to be on the mend.
Shortly afterwards, my wife (only an acquaintance of hers) divorced me and launched a massive social media attack against me. Most of my friends understood his lie. I took the road and never said anything about his craziness. Then she escalated it after some people she knew were important in my life, including Byron, left. Soon after, I heard he had his hooks inside and stopped talking to me. Since then my ex-wife has passed away.
I have dreams that Byron and I are friends again, doing the things we used to do, and I want to try to “rebuild number 2” but don’t know where to start. They never got the full story, only the part that made me look bad. Do I mention my ex-wife’s lies, or do I try and start again? And if so how? Unfriended again in Michigan
Dear Friendless: True friends do not treat each other the way Byron has treated you. They discuss their differences instead of cutting each other down. Your “friend” could have come to you after being contacted by your ex-wife. He could even ask some of your mutual friends if what she was spreading was true. Byron did neither. Move on with your life and don’t look back, otherwise you will get more out of this person.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. contact dear abby www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.