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Ask Amy: Husband’s social media tribute to mother-in-law uncovers potential family secret

Ask Amy: Husband’s social media tribute to mother-in-law uncovers potential family secret

Dear Amy: My husband’s job requires that he be active on social media. His primary account contains mostly work-related content, but he also uses it to direct people to some personal writing and photography.

He has several thousand followers.

I am not active on social media for my own valid reasons, and I understand that my husband can manage his choices. I have asked them not to post personal information about me, but they still share more information with me.

When my mother died, he posted a “tribute” to her on his blog and promoted it on all his accounts. She included many personal details including her maiden and married names.

A few days ago, he sent me an email from a person who had read his blog. The man said he had done genealogical research and determined that his grandmother and my mother were half-sisters. He asked if our family knew about this and invited anyone to contact him for more information if they were interested.

My grandparents were very candid about their past and never indicated that they were hiding any secrets. If so, that was clear information they didn’t want to share.

I know my husband never intended this to happen, but I resent the fact that he put me in this position by ignoring my request for privacy.

I have no interest in pursuing this further, but other family members may feel differently.

Should I share this with them?

I am very upset and don’t know what to do.

– bereaved

Dear Bereaved: Those who are more public with their social-media sharing must respect the privacy of others in their lives who have the right to control their personal or private information.

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Your husband should have shown his tribute to his late mother before posting it to his followers.

I maintain that the reason he didn’t run you down beforehand was because he didn’t want you to weigh in or edit him. His writer’s ego was running the show. It was insensitive of him to make this particular election.

Also, the information you object to her sharing (your mother’s birth surname and married surname) may also appear in a death announcement in the newspaper, on the funeral home’s website, in an obituary, or in any number of online memorials. Will be published in tribute. ,

The purported relative’s contact may have eventually made its way to you.

Someone connecting their family to their family through their genealogy research is not a fact.

I would suggest that since this contact came through your husband and you are not interested in following up, you may leave it to your other family members to decide whether to forward it.

If other members of your family also object to her oversharing, she should listen to them and face the personal consequences of her choices.

Dear Amy: I am scared to drive with most of my friends.

These women drive 80 to 90 miles per hour in the passing lanes of our Interstate Highways.

Where we live, the speed limit is 70 mph.

They assure me that they know what they are doing, and that they are aware of their surroundings.

I don’t want to ride with them for fear of ending up as roadkill.

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I am a responsible driver and obey the speed limit and laws.

am i funny

– a nervous passenger

Dear Nervous: It’s better to be “ridiculous” and safe than to be a passenger in a car accident.

This is from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (nhtsa.gov): “For more than two decades, speeding has been involved in nearly one-third of all motor vehicle deaths. In 2020, speeding contributed to 29 percent of all traffic deaths.

Speed โ€‹โ€‹also affects your safety, even when you’re driving at the speed limit but too fast for road conditions, such as during bad weather, when road repairs are being done, or in an area at night. Which doesn’t light up well. Speeding not only puts the life of the speeding person at risk, but also everyone on the road around them, including law enforcement officers.

Dear Amy: “Heartsick in the Heartland” said he wanted to ask his eldest son to get a DNA test because he suspected the son might not be biologically related to him.

Thanks for pointing out how destructive “asking” would be – for the whole family.

– Worried

Dear Upset: This father’s suggestion was heartbreaking.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] Or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow them on twitter @askingamy Or Facebook,

ยฉ 2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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