Dear Abby: My brother passed away. He and my sister-in-law had a good marriage. A month after his funeral, my sister-in-law gave her father’s clothes to her children, instructing them to go through them, keep or sell what they wanted or donate the rest. It’s hardly been a year. Now she’s redecorating their house — painting, taking pictures and buying new furniture.
This bothers me a lot. I am very hurt that everything is being changed. Looks like she’s trying to wipe it out — within a year! Should I ask him why everything is being changed and settled so quickly? And should I be so sad about this? – unsure how to feel
Dear Indecisive: Your ex-sister-in-law seems more practical than sentimental, and there’s nothing wrong with that. She knew that her late husband could no longer use his wardrobe, and saw no reason to keep things hanging in the wardrobe. That he presented his clothes to his children was appropriate. It is not unusual that she is making changes in the house now. People are cautioned not to make “important decisions” for about a year after a spouse passes, and your former SIL wisely refrained.
If you want to ask her why she’s changing things, do so in a non-accusatory way that doesn’t hurt her. I suspect that you are feeling hurt because you are still not ready to accept that your brother is gone forever. You may find it helpful to talk about it with someone who has expertise in the grieving process.
Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for nine years. When we were dating, he was kind, considerate, and loving. After we got married, he became a chronic complainer, something he later confessed he was hiding while we were dating.
He talks to me like I’m garbage and then becomes nice when he wants something. He complains about my grown kids, my best friend, and even if I leave for work a few minutes earlier. He is a pathetic person. I can’t do anything to make her happy. I can’t take it anymore.
It has taken away from me the things I love — flowers, gardening, pets, books, friends, etc. I’m ready to quit, but she has cancer and I’ll feel guilty. That’s obvious now, but it will come back.
I don’t want to stay Life is too short to live like this. He has a great support system with his family. They will take care of her. My health has been affected by him and his horrible attitude. What shall I do? tired wife
Dear Wife: Now consult a lawyer, pack your bags and leave before it gets worse. Don’t expect your husband to be grateful for any effort you put in on his part during your marriage. During the time you were dating, he hid the fact from you that he was a verbal abuser. Now you know he was an impostor. Don’t feel guilty for saving yourself and reclaiming your life.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. contact dear abby www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.