Dear Amy: I am experiencing an unplanned pregnancy with a stable, loving and supportive partner.
We are in our late 30s and for a myriad of reasons, we decided that we would rather continue with pregnancy and become parents.
We don’t make a lot of money and we live in a tiny apartment, but we know that everything is possible, and we choose to stay positive.
However, some of my closest friends are reacting in ways I didn’t expect.
Some of his responses are cutesy at best, and anxiety-inducing at worst.
I’m trying my best to be empathetic.
I understand it’s fair for everyone to feel a certain way about an unplanned pregnancy – do you have any advice on how I should move past their reactions?
– mixed reviews
Dear Mixed: Yes, people are justified in having varied feelings regarding unplanned pregnancy. What I mean is that people have a right to their feelings.
But when it comes to someone else’s pregnancy and their choices regarding that pregnancy, people should keep their opinions, concerns, or misconceptions to themselves.
When a woman announces her pregnancy, the response should be positive and supportive.
If someone responded to you in a way that was less than positive and helpful, that person should get it together and re-engage with you (if it does) to listen, talk, appreciate, and You should give your support.
Empathy should flow from them to you; This is one situation where you shouldn’t have to bear the burden of empathizing with them.
If you need support that you are not getting, then you must bravely ask for it.
The way to move past these reactions is the same way you will experience this pregnancy: one day at a time. Experiencing pregnancy can be like marking time according to a slowly emptying “hourglass” that lasts for nine months.
Every day brings new experiences, challenges, joys and excitement – where it is important to focus more on yourself and your family, and less on the opinions of others.
It’s great exercise for experiencing the first year of your baby’s life, where “one day at a time” is the wisest way to go, and where the hours sometimes drag on, but the years seem to fly by.
Dear Amy: I’m going through some tough times. I’ve always been strong and independent, and I think I’ve been a good friend too.
I know my old friends care about me, but I need more now, but I don’t know how to ask for it.
Do you have any suggestion?
– feeling down
Dear Feeling Down: I am publishing your question as a tribute to a friend of mine (we go back a long way) who recently reached out via group text with an update, followed by a statement. That she could really use the support of her friends right now.
He got it right away.
When I spoke to him, I thanked him for giving us the opportunity to draw together. I told him that his transparent “asking” was out of respect for our very long friendship.
She said her (very intelligent) daughter reminded her that asking for help is giving her an opportunity to serve those who care.
For anyone out there who is hurting, please understand that asking for help is not only an act of bravery, but it is also an act that honors your relationships, the people who care about you, provide a way to be helpful and an opportunity to express their love and compassion.
I hope you can make it “ask”.
Dear Amy: The “Upstairs Neighbor” wondered whether she should tell her downstairs neighbor that she can be heard snoring loudly at night.
My “vote” is a resounding yes!
I live in a townhouse, and my bedroom is connected to the bedroom next door.
My neighbor told me that he can hear me snoring and that I may have sleep apnea.
I tested, and he was right! I began using the prescribed “continuous positive air pressure” (“CPAP”) device.
As a result, I no longer wake up with a severe headache that follows me for hours in the morning.
So yes, the upstairs neighbor should put aside thoughts of embarrassment and encourage his downstairs neighbor to consult his doctor.
A sleep test appears to be in order.
– well rested
Dear Vishram: It is very helpful when readers contact me to relay their own personal experience with a specific topic. Thank you for your offer.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] Or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow him on twitter @askingamy either Facebook,
© 2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
