Dear Amy: Fifty years ago, I was heartbroken—absolutely broken, really—when my first real love essentially ghosted me after two years (including living together) of happily-ever-afters. —had all the hallmarks of After.
When a year later I was still broke and grieving to a degree that seemed unhealthy, I gathered my wits, sold my possessions, and left town to join the Air Force.
And that one choice changed my life, slowly, but all for the better.
Today, I am retired after a complex and gratifying life that included world travel, many additional years of higher education, a satisfying teaching career, and last but not least 34 years with the right person, the love of my life and truly Is. Best, most helpful, complimentary partner I could have asked for.
My question: I know how to contact Mr. Long-ago and want to thank him for reaching out himself once (not taking extended contact) to set everything in motion and say I hope that their lives are equally fulfilling.
Is this an unwise idea that should be squashed, or would this be good, acceptable closure for a 50 year old heartbreak?
– closing inquiries
Dear Inquiry: Would contacting Mr. Long Ego wrap things up nicely for you, or could this contact open the lid to a box that holds 50 years of questions and feelings? Could this trigger some latent longing for Mr. Long Ego?
I don’t know
I know the life you’re describing: complex, elaborate, and adorned by a very long-lasting love with the right person — is the essence of happily-ever-afters. good for you!
I think it’s an important and very human impulse to try to pull aspects of your life together as long as you brace yourself for the variables. Mr. Long’s ego can ghost you. He may question your intentions and get annoyed with the encroachment. His memory of these long ago events may be radically different from yours.
Or (as happened to me in a similar situation), a sincere apology can be offered and accepted, and you walk away with a deep appreciation for your own emotional history.
I wonder what your partner thinks you should do? I suggest you share this dilemma, ask for your partner’s feedback and advice, and – if you decide to go ahead with it – keep your message short, simple, and honest.
Dear Amy: People have been asking you how long to wait to send a condolence letter.
I lost my 25 year old daughter about 30 years ago.
Last April, I received a five-page anonymous letter from a boy who went to school with her.
He apparently had a crush on her from her memories.
I cried the whole time I was reading the letter, not because it hurt me but because even after all this time it hasn’t been forgotten and someone still thinks about it.
I keep the letter and from time to time take it out and read it again.
Thank you to the sender of the letter. So if you have a letter to send, no matter what time it is, do it!
– Grateful Mother
Dear Mom: This is a beautiful testament to the power of a letter to evoke memories and uplift a life.
This leads me to suggest a great project for the New Year – to write a letter telling the story of a person from your past who is gone but will never be forgotten, and send that letter to their Send to nearest relatives.
Dear Amy: I read the question of the bride saying “Silence is Golden” to herself in complete disbelief.
This lady wanted to emphasize that all the guests at her wedding had to wear yellow clothes to the wedding. More outrageously, she also wanted a “silent welcome”.
Who ever heard of such a thing?!
While I appreciate your answer, when I say “total disbelief,” I mean it.
That question was obviously a hoax. I know it was amusing and all, but I don’t like reading fake questions, even if the answer is good.
– Fake out
Dear Fake Out: I understand the assumption that an offhand question would be a hoax, because I make that assumption too.
And while I’ve certainly screwed up over the years, in this case I communicated with the author multiple times via email, asked follow-up questions, and concluded to the best of my knowledge that – sadly – this question was real.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] Or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow them on twitter @askingamy Or Facebook,
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