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Ask Amy: Women Date the Wrong Men Who Just Want to Argue

Ask Amy: Women Date the Wrong Men Who Just Want to Argue

Dear Amy: I am a 52-year-old divorced woman facing a troubling situation. The men I meet for potential relationships are described as having argumentative personalities.

They never agree with any topic that comes up in conversation. Topics range from personal decisions to politics to differences between men and women.

These men come across as misogynists, condescending, critical of everything around them, and yet they see themselves as decent, normal, good guys who know how to treat women. They couldn’t be more wrong.

They often bring up topics that are inflammatory and then say that women can’t handle a conversation because we are too caught up in our emotions.

I don’t entertain these men for long, but I keep having these experiences. What ever happened to the art of civilized conversation?

After talking to these men for a short time, attention shifts from seeking companionship to sparring partners.

I don’t understand it and it is very frustrating.

What is this event?

– missing the art of conversation

Dear Missing: At the risk of being accused of misogyny, let’s say for the record that men undoubtedly also have a laundry list of gender-based frustrations with the women they’re dating.

If you’re having the same experiences over and over again, you should take a careful look at whatever (probably online) venue you’re using to meet these men and see if there are red flags in their profiles. which may indicate that they are more interested in boxing than sparring.

I admit to having had experiences similar to yours, during my very first visit to Online Milan. It seemed like the people I was meeting were sometimes rekindling their past relationships. I often felt unfairly challenged and tested. Honestly, some of these people were genuinely interested in getting to know me.

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This may be a function of the speed with which many people approach the matching process. Match, match, test for compatibility, move on. And the anonymity of social media has turned some people into conversational jackals.

My belief is this: it has always been rare to engage in a peaceful and informative conversation (yes, it’s an art!) to be with someone who listens with interest, who seems to “see” you, And who can challenge you without raising your hackles – these are qualities you enjoy in your deep and close friendships. This is what you’re looking for, and so your best bet may be to go offline and join groups and organizations where you can meet and slowly get to know people, IRL (in real life).

Dear Amy: I regularly talk to people who use an earphone and mic device so they can talk on their phone while doing other things.

What this person doesn’t realize is that the speaker picks up all the noise around it, which amplifies in my ears.

This is worse than simply being on “speaker”.

I’ve said many times, “Can we talk when you’re not so busy that I can hear you without any background noise?” – and get snark in return.

I think they are so busy that single-tracking is not possible.

Once I had something important to say, and I gave up.

Any suggestions?

– ear phone

Dear ear phone: The remote mic can pick up a lot of ambient noise.

If this person calls you (if you don’t call them), you should try again: “I hope you understand that I really mean you when you use your earbuds and mic.” Can’t hear. Can you at least put me on speaker?”

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Dear Amy: I am a part-time sex worker of 35 years ago who wanted to keep this knowledge from my mother-in-law (I signed my letter “Holding”).

Then, “upset” wrote to you, frustrated that you didn’t call me out for being a sex-worker during my youth.

In response to this I would like to say:

1). This was 35 years ago!

2). I don’t believe I’ve done any long term damage to my psyche or libido.

3). My husband was a client – why not bother to patronize a sex-worker?

4). You’d be surprised at the number of seemingly “normal” young women who have been sex-workers at some point in their lives while trying to make ends meet during their college or post-graduation years. I think about one in every 300 or 400 women has done this for some time.

– still holding

Dear Holding: I don’t often contradict previously published Q&As, but you made a very good point.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] Or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow them on twitter @askingamy Or Facebook,

©2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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